For some bereavement never ends, but with the passing of time it does get easier. Here is a reflection by our founder Dee on her experience of grief.
Our Founder Dee’s experience
On the anniversary of his passing, our founder Dee reflects on the loss of her son, Lee Spark, and the bereavement process in the days, weeks, months and years following his death from necrotising fasciitis 22 years ago.
What happens when our loved ones pass away?
My personal journey loosing my son Lee was a feeling of not being on the same planet that morning of his passing, numbness was the top of my list I would say. In disbelief I managed to put one foot in front of the other, it had never been so hard to walk. Could I ever be strong enough to ask questions to understand what Lee’s condition had been near the end of his life.
How can life change so dramatically?
Taking for granted our everyday routines giving us stability to pay the bills. Setting our possible goals amidst our plans . However this can change in a flash, our routine world can come to a STOP immediately at that moment when our loved ones pass. Our worlds cease. Literally.
Is there a tomorrow?
Our exhaustion carries us through to the next day believe it or not. Asking more questions and hopefully finding some answers seem to fill the day. Again we sleep a little through exhaustion.
Moving on seems impossible.
Waking up and realising you need to ask more questions seem to be top priority and you manage to perhaps shower and get out of those comfy clothes. Yet still feeling numb. More importantly how on earth have we moved on to day four without our loved one in our lives.
Funeral arrangements after death
This seems an impossible task. For me this was so particularly difficult as to register the death I needed to take Lee’s birth certificate. It felt cold as life seemed all about a licence to come into this world and then to leave it. My Lee was worth far more to me than this.
After the funeral.
This is a tough one. Still in disbelief we are still not being able to function without our loved ones. Personally I moved on with the love that is still in my heart today. This will never ever go away. Our yearn to touch them, to talk with them may be adapted through our beliefs in what is offering us in the form of comfort. Either in prayer to our gods or your place of love and comfort.
Further Help with bereavement
The loss of a loved one is always difficult, particularly when it happens suddenly and without warning as can be the case with necrotising fasciitis.
Making sure you take care of yourself is extremely important at this time, although it may be the last thing on your mind. Eat well, try your best to sleep and make sure you seek support if you need it. Friends and family are a good place to start, but seeking professional bereavement support or talking to other people going through similar experiences are also a great tool.
If you want to speak to one of our team about your experience you can do so by emailing [email protected] and we’ll be happy to provide support.
There are a whole host of other resources available in the UK as well:
Sudden
Sudden is an organisation committed to helping people during the first ten weeks following a sudden bereavement*.
The Good Grief Trust
The Good Grief Trust is an organisation that is run by the bereaved, for the bereaved, with the aim to normalise grief and raise awareness of the impact of grief on a national platform.
At a Loss
At a Loss is a website designed to provide sign posting for those suffering form bereavement to help them get the support they need at the right time.
More help
Support on bereavement is also available from Mind UK and The Samaritans, who both offer help on bereavement and much more.
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